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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My wife and I have a dilemma we don’t know how to handle. We both recently retired. Our sons (both married with children) live in other states. Since my wife and I no longer have family here, we are going to move close to one of our sons. Our dilemma: They both want us to move near them, but they are 2,000 miles apart. Both of the states they live in are similar in terms of taxes, home prices, cost of living, etc., and both sons are financially stable (as are my wife and I), so that is not an issue. What do you think we should do?

Signed, Victor
From Baton Rouge, Louisiana

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Dear Victor,

This may sound like a difficult decision to make, but actually it’s not. You are in a golden position to con and manipulate your kids in way that most parents can only fantasize about. So, here are some of my ideas. Tell each son that you want to drive out to their state and look around for a possible home to buy, but the tires on your car are badly worn. If any of your children sends you money and you don’t need new tires, keep the extra cash. Tell them if you move to their state, you would want to fit in into their culture and climate, so you need a new wardrobe, and give them yours and your wife’s sizes. And if they send you some new clothes, and they probably will, great! Tell them that you want to look at homes in their city on the internet, but your tv is too small for you to see the details you need to make a decision, and then hint, if only you had a 65 inch tv. Do not be surprised if two are delivered shortly after that. But this is my favorite idea. Tell them that you need ex amount of money for moving expenses. Once they both send you the funds, you and your wife should take a long “free” vacation. And after you return, tell them that you prefer to stay where you are. If your sons are gullible, you should be able to pull the same stunt annually. Eventually when they catch on and realize that their parents have been ripping them off, your angry sons will not only have an issue with you moving to the same city they live in, they may not even want you residing in a neighboring state. Problem solved. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• April 25, 2020


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