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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am about to propose to my girlfriend. I was told that the rule of thumb in buying an engagement ring, is two months of my salary. Should I feel obligated to embrace that rule? Are there any other options? Please help.

Signed, Danny
From Wheaton, Illinois

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Dear Danny,

It’s true that the rule of thumb is two months of your salary in regards to purchasing an engagement. But since about half of all marriages don’t last, I see nothing wrong with you taking precautions, no matter how insensitive and underhanded they appear to be. Ok, here are some of my ideas. Instead of spending your hard earned money on an expensive ring, spend about $10 on some costume jewelry, and hopefully your bride-to-be is too stupid to know the difference. And if she figures your fraud years down the road, she might keep it anyway, because by then it might hold some sentimental value. If she wants a ring that’s really expensive, tell her you will honor that request, and then let her see you holding out a can pretending to be blind on a street corner about a block from her home, as you beg for money. Hopefully that’ll shame her into withdrawing such an idiotic request. Or, tell her that you never embraced that tradition of wearing rings. If she insists on having one, tell her to go out and buy one, give it to you, and you’ll get one knee and give it back to her in order to honor her request and the tradition. And finally, you might want to try this. Go to a jewelry store, and tell them all about the woman you love, and see if they offer a payment plan. And if sometime down the road you call off the engagement because you decided for a compelling reason that you don’t want to marry your fiancé, not only should you stop payments on the ring, but you should sue the jewelry store after you told them all about her, for them not trying to talk you out of marrying that loser. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• May 9, 2020


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