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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I work in the deli department of a grocery store and have been struggling lately. With everything that is going on, people are overwhelmed and have been taking it out on us.

I asked one person, “How are you doing today?” The response I got was, “I’m not interested in conversation. Just feed me!” Another who came to the register didn’t utter a single word except to exclaim, when I offered her a bottle opener for her soda, “I’ve got it!” Then she snatched her change out of my hand. I don’t even get the brunt of it; the cashiers have to handle the worst of it.

Signed, Glenn
From Louisville, Kentucky

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Dear Glenn,

During these trying times, it seems like everyone is on edge. Thus, that gives you right to be to as vile and vicious as you can think of, to angry idiots that genuinely need you. Here are some ideas. The next time someone requests food that has an attitude, prepare it for them while you let them hear you repeatedly say under your breath, “Where’s the cyanide?” If any of those boneheaded customers act disrespectful to a cashier, tell the cashier that after they the scan the merchandise, toss it across the aisle. And then charge the customer for a mop and a broom to clean it up. Or, suggest to the cashier to throw the rowdy customer’s change in their face so hard, that they have noticeable imprints of presidents on their foreheads. And finally for you. If a customer comes in and is blatantly taking their daily frustrations out on you, reach across the counter and punch them in the mouth! And while they are laying on the floor dazed, with blood all over the teeth you just cracked, politely say to then, “I’m sorry, did you want some mayo with that knuckle sandwich?” I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• May 10, 2020


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