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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – According to the CDC and the FBI, the corona virus has created a major crime wave in America. Instead of using guns, criminals are now using no touch thermometers to rob people. The most common tactic, is to approach a victim, take their temperature, threaten to manipulate the results to reflect a fever, send the results to the local police department, which forces the person into quarantine for at least two weeks. Most of the victims simply give the robber whatever he/she wants. Other victims offer to buy the no touch thermometer so they can do the same thing to certain “friends” or relatives they want to avoid, even if the victims have to go to their bank and “eagerly” make a cash withdrawal in order to make the purchase.

FBI

• May 15, 2020


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