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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

Our first granddaughter is getting married in six months and has told her parents that no one from either family is invited to the wedding. They want to get married by themselves because they are both shy and don’t want to be the center of attention.

At first I was OK with it, but the more I thought about it, the more hurt I felt. The confusing part about this is she wants a pre-wedding party for both families to attend. So I asked her to keep an open mind and think about having the party right after the marriage ceremony. Now she won’t talk to me!

I can’t stop thinking about our daughter and how she feels about not being able to see her daughter get married. I’m afraid I may have made things worse, and I’m very depressed. I just want to fix it so everyone is happy. Help!

Signed, Bonnie
From Salem, Massachusetts

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Dear Bonnie,

I find it strange that your granddaughter doesn’t want relatives from either side to attend the ceremony. This can be for a number of reasons, that can range from weird, to outright creepy. Ok, here are some possibilities. They may have taken a long look at themselves and each other’s physical appearance, and are deeply concerned over what kind of creature their genetic combination will produce. Does homely and/or ghoulish genes run in your family? It could be that there isn’t going to be a wedding because one of them called it off, prompted by the belief that they were “settling” and they wanted an opportunity to find a better life time mate. If you feel that your granddaughter’s fiancé is a good catch, then more than likely he called it off after he concluded his spouse-to-be didn’t even come to close to making his minimum standards. Or, it could even be that one of them may be so embarrassed by who they are related to, they thought it would be best to snub both sides to ensure no one would know for sure who wanted to avoid their family of losers. And finally, it could just be they wanted a nice quiet private ceremony. And since the wedding is taking place in Salem, based on that city’s history, the person officiating the ceremony is probably the leader of a sinister cult. Thus, your granddaughter might have been protecting her family members that didn’t arrive wearing black cloaks, or complained about the room being lit by candles as Gothic music played in the background, from being changed into frogs, trolls, or become human sacrifices. If she eventually names one of her daughters “Lucy Furr”, then my assessment was spot on. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 13, 2020


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