Blake’s Advice Column
I recently started dating again after ending a very difficult marriage. To say I am guarding my heart for fear of getting hurt would be an understatement.
I have met someone that I can see having a future with, but some things concern me. He has been hospitalized for mental health reasons in the past. He’s constantly saying, “I’m sorry I’m so screwed up” or remarking about being “crazy.” He mentions his depression almost daily, and he hates being, as he puts it, “messed up in the head.” He just can’t seem to move past his issues.
My question is, am I being overly cautious based on not wanting to get hurt again, or should I take a step back? I would like to see a future with him, but I’m not sure he is ready to see any kind of a future with anyone.
From Annapolis, Maryland
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There is nothing wrong with you guarding your heart, based on your previous marriage. Unfortunately, you probably fell head over heel with a man who is more than likely, nuts that should not be unleashed to the public. So here is some of my advice. Try to contact one of the doctors that treated him when he was hospitalized. If their hair stands on end when you tell the doctor that you are in love with their previous patient, change your name and leave town. You can also look for physical signs in him that can give you a window to his past. If he frequently crosses his arms for 10 or 15 minutes at a time, that strongly suggests that he is used to wearing a straitjacket. Or, he might be very devious and forward thinking, and the real reason why he constantly confesses his mental state to you, is because he hopes you’ll share it with your friends. That way some time in the future, his lawyer can have them testify that he wasn’t responsible for his actions… assuming the cops ever locate your dismembered body parts. But on a positive note some, people live happily ever after. So, if you really love him, then marry him. But don’t be surprised on your honeymoon that you’re not in a romantic suite with your new husband, but instead in a windowless room that’s intensely padded. I hope this helps.