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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My sister recently self-published a book that purportedly honors my mother’s service in World War II. Her book is completely inaccurate. It is filled with romantic fantasy and historical errors, and cheapens my mother’s real service with untruths.

My sister is now busy selling and promoting the book with interviews and book signings. My mother, if she were still alive, would be embarrassed and appalled. I don’t want to cause a family feud, but I feel if I remain silent, I’m helping to perpetuate something that is wrong on multiple levels. What, if anything, should I do?

Signed, Vince
From Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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Dear Vince,

There is little you can do about your sister’s book now that it has been released. But what you can do is write your own book about what is what like growing up with your her, and you should pen even some bigger lies! Here are some ideas I think you should author. Allege that your “half” sister is the product of a fling your mother had with a German man in during World War II, and your mother later broke it off after she found out that he was a high ranking Nazi official. Or, you can inform the readers that one of your sister’s ulterior motives for writing the book, is it’s because she was rejected by all four branches of the military, after she told each one of them that she wanted to join the service to learn how to use a gun, and then shoot every man that dumped her, which is a long and impressive list. You can also write that your sister is really doing this because she failed history every year she was in school, and she is now trying to prove to her previous teachers that she’s not an idiot, even though it will likely affirm their original assessment. And lastly, pen that her publisher was very reluctant in publishing the book after repeatedly questioning her intelligence. Specifically, they had to frequently explain to her that the Japanese did not attack “Diamond” Harbor in Hawaii, and that Adolph was a “Hitler” not a “hitter” in the American League, that defected to Germany after being constantly ridiculed for his awful batting average. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 28, 2020


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