Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Minneapolis, Minnesota – Several Minneapolis City Council members who have received death threats following their calls to defund the police after the death of George Floyd have been assigned private security details — reportedly costing the city $4,500 a day in taxpayer dollars. The city has spent $63,000 on private security over the last three weeks.

The Minneapolis City Council unanimously approved a proposal to eliminate the city’s police department. One council member told Fox 9: “What we are doing, is what the rest of the community should be doing, hiring their own private security. Each block should pool their resources, and hire their own security. If they can collect a total of a little over a million dollars per year per block, they should be able to hire about four guards per eight hour shift around the clock, and the police force will no longer be necessary. Hopefully all of America will embrace this innovative concept, but we have a feeling, that cheapskates will reject it.”

• June 29, 2020


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