Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – United Teachers Los Angeles recently released a research paper on steps needed to safely reopen public schools amid the coronavirus outbreak and pointed to the need to free up additional funding by defunding the police.

“Police violence is a leading cause of death and trauma for Black people, and is a serious public health and moral issue,” said newly elected president Cecily Myart-Cruz of the United Teachers Los Angeles, citing the American Public Health Association. “We must shift the astronomical amount of money devoted to policing, to education and other essential needs such as housing and public health. Also, we do not want cops in schools, because by the time they get to a classroom where a teacher is being assaulted by a student, the vicious attack is over, while all of the kids are downloading videos of the unconscious bloody teacher on Youtube, and later alleging that they saw nothing. So basically, we need first aid kits and smelling salts, not cops.

• July 13, 2020


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or