Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Life through Blake’s eyes…

No woman has really flirted with me for months, and my self-esteem was taking a beating… until last week. While I was in a store, a lady caught me glancing at her and then she approached me and struck up a conversation. Five minutes later, she was asking me some very personal questions in her soft voice. And then I began wondering if she was inquiring because she was genuinely interested in me, or because she was security for the store and she was obligated to ask me those questions after she put me in handcuffs when she caught me shoplifting, as we both waited for the police to arrive. A few hours later when I was bailed out of jail, I concluded that she was head-over-heels about me and couldn’t control her passions when I was near her, that’s why I think the store owner banned me from ever setting foot on his property again. Is love a crazy a thing or what?

Life through Blake's eyes

• July 19, 2020


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