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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

What’s the correct way to break up with someone who lives with you? A friend of mine wants to break up with his girlfriend, who lives in his home along with her adult son and teenage daughter. His concern is she has no place to go. She refuses to work a steady job, so he pays all the bills and supplies her with a vehicle and spending money.

She wants desperately to get married. After two or three years of living with her, he knows he won’t marry her. He says she’s a nice person, but she’s a terrible housekeeper and has no ambition. My friend is a financial planner and works three to four side jobs, etc. He doesn’t have a clue how to end this, but he wants to. How should he dissolve this live-in relationship?

Signed, Sean
From Wilmington, Delaware

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Dear Sean,

Your friend’s girlfriend seems to be an anchor regarding his future. In my opinion, his goal should be to put her another ship, preferably one heading toward an iceberg. Anyway, here are some options I think your friend should entertain. Have your friend tell them that he has been doing a lot of soul searching, and he wants to live as if he is Amish, thus he wants everything out of his home that uses electricity, or was invented within the last 100 years. Or, he can secretly sell his home, move in the middle of the night, and let the new owners deal with those squatters. If he wants to get his girlfriend to end the relationship, tell him to ask her daughter if she has any classmates that are into dating older men. And finally, because of the financial strain he is being subjected to, tell him to build a crystal-meth lab in his living room. When they realize what he’s doing, tell him to hand them some ear plugs, and to suggest that they always wear them, just in case the house blows up while they’re in it, because he doesn’t want the blast to damage their hearing. Hopefully your friend won’t get injured if he’s in their way, as those freeloaders quickly grabbed their possessions and stampede out of his house. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• August 1, 2020


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