Dear Blake,

One of my friends is a drama queen. Whenever things don’t go the way she wants, she freaks out and makes a big deal out of everything. It makes the times we spend together hard, because my other friends and I are scared we’ll start another fight with her. What can I do to make her stop making a big deal out of everything?

Signed, Samantha
From Dayton, Ohio

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Dear Samantha,

Why people choose to behave that way, is a mystery to me. To put a stop to this, you should be overly dramatic toward her, and hopefully she isn’t stupid enough to pick up the hint. Ok, her are some of my ideas. The next time it’s about to rain, demand that she rounds up two of every animal, and tell her to have them corralled, by the time you get back from Home Depot to buy some wood for a large boat, plus some flood lights. Or, you can be critical of the car she drives. If it’s an American made vehicle, accuse her of being xenophobic. If it’s a foreign car, accuse her of having no patriotism, and then allege to all of your mutual friends, that she is probably a communist sympathizer. If she has a  boyfriend or husband that’s barely average looking, tell her statistically speaking, ugly guys are usually the nicest guys so she should take comfort in that. And if her better half is attractive, tell her to admit he’s dating her because he lost a very serious bet. And this is my last idea for that thorn in your side. Inform her that if she wants to keep the same circle of friends, then she has to go live in a remote monastery for one year that’s high up in the mountains in Europe, so she can learn how not to be so emotional. If she does it, great, because that’ll be twelve months of peace away from that irritating little twit. If she refuses to go, tell her that mean she’s an atheist, and no one in the group wants to be near her, when God eventually starts hurling down lightning bolts at pagans, just in case the Almighty decides to embrace “guilt by association”. I hope this helps.

Blake

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