BREAKING NEWS – Portland, Oregon – Portland, Ore., Mayor Ted Wheeler hired a new campaign manager this week – his third such hire in nine months – after the second person to take the job left last week, according to reports.

The embattled mayor, who is also the city’s police commissioner, has faced criticism from all sides over his handling of months of nightly anti-police protests that frequently turn violent.

“Hopefully, this campaign manager will stay,” said Wheeler. “The last two didn’t meet Antifa’s standards, so I had to fire them based solely on their recommendation. But there is something that I am confused about. I assured Antifa that I am fearless and I will never be intimidated by any group, but for some reason, they don’t believe me. They refer to me as a ‘spineless coward’, and I’m scared to ask them what they base that on.”

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