Dear Blake,

I have a wonderful husband. He is very outgoing, and I would like to think of myself as the same, but I work hard. He always makes plans to go camping for the weekends, but sometimes I just want to stay home, relax and get the house in order. The problem is, he insists that we go to a forest hours away every weekend. I need some alone time! Am I wrong for that?

Signed, Belinda
From Olympia, Washington

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Dear Belinda,

No, there is nothing wrong with you wanting time alone. The only solution is, for you to behave in such a manner that he’ll never want you to go camping with him again… ever. Here are some ideas. Tell him that when it gets cool at night in your tent, you have an overwhelming desire to burn the entire forest down, and then give a lengthy speech on how arsonists are constantly being mistreated in prison. Or, tell him that you read some books on mind control, so you plan on leaving some open food in your camping area, because you believe you can hypnotize a hungry grizzly bear. If you have the opportunity, consider this one. Try to camp near a violent motorcycle gang, and tell them that your husband wants to know why they don’t take person hygiene serious? And this last idea is simple, but can resolve the issue permanently. The next time you know for sure that there will be a full moon, insist that you go camping. At around midnight start howling uncontrollably until your husband is genuinely irritated, and then tell him that there is something about her family that you never told him. About two hours later when he’s sound asleep, wake up hovering over him wearing a terrifying werewolf mask. This should be most effective if he has a bad heart, and if he does, no one has to know that you didn’t attempt to use CPR. I hope this helps.

Blake

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