Dear Blake,

I endured an arduous decade-long marriage with a subsequent nasty divorce and custody battle. This was followed by years of contentious child rearing with my ex. With my children now grown, I am free to spend my money the way I want and have absolute freedom. I live alone, and quite frankly, I love my life. I am 100% sure that I want to remain unmarried.

When people ask me about getting remarried, I tell them “never again,” and I mean it. Yet, inevitably, people say, “You never know, you might get married again someday.” I do know! It’s been more than 20 years!

I used to get annoyed, but now I just blow it off. Do you have any retort that doesn’t sound rude? I have thought about saying, “I guess you know me better than I know myself,” but it sounds snarky.

Signed, Matthew
From Olympia, Washington

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Dear Matthew,

Sometimes people can’t understand why other people are single. But if you want them to stop the inquiries, here are some unnerving questions you can ask them, which should cause them to never bring up the subject again, assuming they’ll still be speaking to you. If the person confronting you is single, ask this, “How long did it take to you to get used to knowing that no one on the planet desires you?” If the person is married, say this, “The reason why I won’t get take the plunge again, is because I know something about your marriage that turns my stomach.” If the nosey person is divorced, ask them this, “Did you get divorced because your spouse slept with so many of our mutual friends?” And finally, if you wanted to give the impression that you found love again, try this. Tell them your fiancé just got acquitted after being charged with multiple unsolved murders. And then add that she has a very violent temper, especially toward people that asks you relationship questions. I hope this helps.

Blake

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