Dear Blake,

New neighbors moved into my apartment building about a month ago. I don’t mind that sometimes I hear their kids. I don’t mind that sometimes I hear the adults. BUT! Their alarm clock wakes me up every morning at 6 a.m. It’s loud, and I’m guessing it’s up against the adjoining wall.

Normally, I sleep until 8. I work from home, and I’m usually up until 1 a.m. or so. I’m a night owl, and I simply can’t go to sleep any earlier.

It’s impossible to sleep through their alarm. It has been weeks. What should I do?

Signed, Lily
From Muncie, Indiana

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Dear Lily,

It’s unfortunate that you are getting your sleep disrupted two hours earlier than you want. The only thing I can suggest is that you make enough noise that will wake them up two hours earlier then they want to, putting them in a position to want to initiate a negotiation. Here are some ideas. Every morning, pretend to be making some calls, while speaking through a megaphone that’s pointed to your mutual wall. To increase the volume, act like you’re arguing with a loser ex-husband. Or, start hammering on the wall every morning at 4 a.m. as if you’re about to hang some pictures. If your insensitive neighbors ask you why you do it so often, tell them that matter no where you hang it, you’re bored with the location the following day and you feel compelled to relocate it. Or this idea. If you have a nice sound system, aim the speakers toward their bedroom while they sleep. Blast the theme to “Jaws”, and maybe they’ll wake up screaming, feeling they are about to be eaten by sharks. And finally, you can approach them in a friendly manner, and ask them to get a different alarm clock that’s quieter. If they refuse, tell them you are currently in a support group, for arsonists. And then when you see them leaving for work one morning, let them see you with some lighter fluid, and then inform them that you plan om toasting some marshmallows in the very near future. When you come home from work later that day, there’s a good chance you’ll see them loading their furniture in a U-Haul, and their pace will pick up if you “accidentally” drop some matches in front of them. I hope this helps.

Blake

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