Dear Blake,

We welcomed new neighbors and allowed them to use our garbage can until they got one, and gave them a bottle of wine and a housewarming card. We also offered to let them use our downstairs bathroom until the contractor finished theirs. No one else on the block did anything for them. Nothing.

They then invited a neighbor and his wife over for drinks and didn’t invite us. My husband says I shouldn’t be offended by this. I certainly would have had the neighbors who had welcomed me over first. What do you think?

Signed, Isabella
From Santa Fe, New Mexico

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Dear Isabella,

Because you really don’t know your neighbors, you can’t be sure of what their motives were regarding not inviting you. But to play it safe, you should be coming up with some ideas to get even with them, just in case they didn’t have a good reason for the snubbing. Here are some ideas. Charge them every time they want to use your bathroom, including a set fee for each sheet of toilet paper. Or, you should charge them a storage fee to use your garage. The formula you should use is, divide your monthly mortgage by four… and then multiplying that number by eight. Or this one. Assume that your new neighbors are alcoholics as well as the people that they invited. And then post an anonymous add in your local newspaper, saying that’s where AA meeting are held nightly, come as you are, no appointment necessary. And lastly. Invite them over, and as they enter the front door hand each of them some cleaning products so they clean up the bathroom that they have been using daily. Once they are done scrubbing the sink and toilet, hand them some brooms so they can sweep out the garage… after you emptied it by selling and giving away all of their property that was stored there. I hope this helps.

Blake

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