Dear Blake,

I’m a private duty nurse in my 50s and have two grown children. It’s hard work. I have one big problem, which is very embarrassing. I used to work in a hospital and, because of the hectic work schedule, I had to eat fast. Our lunch break was only 30 minutes, and I had to stand in line to get my food. I never broke the habit.

I was eating at a restaurant recently and some people sitting across from me commented about it. The man said, “She eats like she’s starving!” Now I feel insecure about going out to eat. Can you make a suggestion? I don’t like takeout.

Signed, Monica
From, Chicago Illinois

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Dear Monica,

Your eating habits are nobody’s business. However if you see people staring at you or making comments, say something to them that can shock them into silence, which will compel them to look the other way. Here are some ideas. Tell them you’re in a rush because you have to go finish stitching someone up because the surgeon finished the procedure about 20 minutes ago, and they were bleeding when you left the room and clocked out for lunch. Or, you can say you want to be on a full stomach because the police are on their way to arrest you for stealing and selling drugs, and you heard that prison food tastes awful. Or maybe this disturbing idea might get them to leave you alone. Announce to any nosy patrons, that you have to eat quick because you plan on unplugging a patient’s life support because he insulted you, and you want to get it done before his family members arrive during visiting hours. And my last idea is this. Tell them that you illegally harvest organs from healthy patients, and you are running late in preparing the latest batch for shipment… to the highest bidder. I hope this helps.

Blake

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