Dear Blake,

There are several bad habits my husband has, but the one that frightens me the most involves our 2-year-old son. I’m afraid to leave them alone when we are out shopping. I have walked up on them a few times and noticed my husband reading or looking at stuff with his back to the buggy while our son is in it. When I tell him it scares me, he says I’m overreacting. I’m worried someone will steal our son. He always says, “He’s within arm’s reach. No one is going to run away with him before I have the chance to stop them.”

This kind of crime has happened before. I have seen it in the news. My husband is no superhero. Am I wrong to think he should keep the buggy in front of him at all times when our son is in it? He shouldn’t let our 2-year-old walk up the aisles unattended either. Or am I wrong?

Signed, Veronica
From Dallas, Texas

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Dear Veronica,

I agree with you, and I believe your husband should exercise more caution. I think your best course of action, is to do something to traumatize your husband, or at least give him sustained disturbing nightmares. Here are some ideas that will deter him from leaving his son behind him. Encourage your son to say some extremely vile things about your husband, if there is a lax in safety to the point where passersby covers their ears in shock. Or, buy your son a slingshot, and have him light up his dad’s head when his back is turned, with jagged marbles. Or maybe this idea, if your husband ever faces the opposite way of your son in public, tell your little boy to scream at the top of his lungs, that he’s being kidnapped by the neighborhood weirdo. And finally, tell your son to make some very sexist comments toward a woman walking by, that’s with her husband who happens to be very big and muscular, and say he is repeating what his father said a few moments. You can also find out if your husband screams like a little girl when that angry insulted man tosses him off the balcony from one of those massive indoor malls. I hope this helps.

Blake

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