Dear Blake,

I’m a 28-year-old mother of two. My teenaged adopted sister steals makeup from stores. It sometimes happens when we are together, but I never catch her doing it. She has told me she feels no remorse about stealing the items.

My parents and I have lectured her time after time. She’s now claiming her friends give her makeup they don’t like. I’m exasperated because she just doesn’t seem to get it. Would it be wrong of me to tip off the security guard on our next shopping trip? I want her to learn a lesson before it’s too late. Yet, it could result in juvenile detention and a financial burden on my parents.

I love my sister, but I’m worried her habit may lead to an unfortunate adulthood. She has had counseling in the past for numerous issues, but she either lies to her therapist or just sits quietly and says nothing. Please help me!

Signed, Liz
From Newark, New Jersey

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Dear Liz,

It’s unfortunate that you have to live with a criminal on a daily basis. But something has to be done, because it’s a matter of time before she begins transferring some valuable items from your home, to the local pawn shop. Here are some ideas I think you should seriously consider. You could carry a large piece of paper that has your sister’s name and address on it, and every time you see her stealing in a store, hold the piece of paper up to the nearest security camera, so the cops will know where to find your roguish sibling. Or, try to find some thug that wants some “easy pickings”, and every time she shoplifts, text him and have him rob her as she exits. Hopefully your sister isn’t hypocritical enough to complain about thieves… after her “stolen” merchandise gets ripped off. Or this one. You could secretly film her, and after you have enough offenses, give the evidence to the police, with the promise to testify against her, to hopefully secure a conviction that will keep her locked up until she’s 21. And finally, if she shoplifts at a “mom-and-pop” store that’s struggling to stay in business, she might get beaten to a pulp by the one of the owners. It would be best to encourage the “mom” to attack, because cops are reluctant to break up a cat fight, since they like most men, they enjoy these type of brawls… especially the loud vulgar name calling from both female adversaries toward each other as clumps of hair gets yanked out. I hope this helps.

Blake

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