BREAKING NEWS – New York City – Melissa Harris-Perry of MSNBC has released an apology to the Romney family following disparaging remarks made by guests on her show about Mitt Romney’s adopted black grandchild. She explained that it is not entirely her fault because she is contractually obligated to give guest platforms to be as offensive as possible to all conservatives. Perry tearfully concluded by saying that her life is empty because she’s stuck at an embarrassing station with deplorable ratings, and she respectfully requested for people of all denominations to pray for her sanity, including scientologists.