BREAKING NEWS – Atlanta, Georgia – Roman Catholic archbishop Wilton Gregory demolished a ranch home that had been donated to the church, and spent $2.2 million of the bequest to build himself a 6,000-square-foot Tudor-style mansion. The project, which began in 2012, sparked outrage among some of the archdiocese’s 1 million parishioners when the Atlanta Journal-Constitution did a front page story on his new home. Gregory responded in the archdiocese’s newspaper, stating that “televangelists live lavishly all the time, and my sermons are as good as theirs so I felt I was within my rights”. He also defended his recent decision to put a down payment on a private jet, stating that it was necessary for him to use it when he had to go across town during rush hour, or whenever local traffic was congested.