BREAKING NEWS – Simi Valley, California – According to early polling regarding the second republican debate, business woman Carly Fiorina appears to be the clear winner. Rand Paul who was polling last out of the eleven candidates on stage, stated after the debate that he was in the position he’s in due to an “orchestrated smear campaign” suggesting that he has countless views that are “radical and extreme”. Paul then stated that, “It was unfair for Fiorina to wear a dress on stage, because she was shamelessly exploiting her femininity for political purposes, and the next debate the men should seriously consider wearing evening gowns. This would counter her ruthless attempt to get elected, and it would also solidify the transgeneder vote”.