BREAKING NEWS – Wimberly, Texas – A former Bush campaign adviser who is running as a Democrat in Texas’ lieutenant governor race said that Jesus Christ today would be declared “woke” by conservatives.
ABC News’ chief political analyst Matthew Dowd, is seeking his party’s nomination to take on Republican Dan Patrick, said he came to the realization in church that today’s “wokeness” is just another term for human decency.
“As I sat in church today I was thinking that if Jesus were here today he would be accused of being woke,” he tweeted. “Jesus was a very giving person, which leads me to believe that he would’ve encouraged the government to give people everything they requested without considering this ‘balance the budget’ nonsense. I also think Jesus would’ve come to the realization that he has no right or authority to judge anyone at anytime for any reason. And on Judgment Day, the rules for getting into heaven are going to be so laxed, that everyone will enter as long as they have with them their proper paperwork.”