BREAKING NEWS – Tupelo, Mississippi – A Mississippi-based furniture company abruptly fired nearly 2,700 workers in the US just days before Thanksgiving, according to multiple reports.

Right before midnight on 21 November, thousands of workers – many of whom were asleep – received a text message from United Furniture Industries (UFI) saying that they were terminated effectively and were no longer allowed to return to work.

“I have been accused of being insensitive, but I thought the way I canned all those employees showed compassion,” explained owner Todd Evans. “I made sure they were contacted late at night, hoping that they wouldn’t hear the text message, so they could get a good night’s sleep before learning they were given the boot. Plus, I let them know they were fired right before Thanksgiving, so if they were visiting someone for the November feast, they’ll know to leave with a lot of leftovers, because they won’t be getting any money from us to buy some groceries.”