Dear Blake,
I have been married to my husband for four years, and before that, I knew him for about a year. At the time, he was very loving and considerate, but right after we got married, his true nature emerged. He drinks heavily every night and says horrible things. In the morning, he has no recollection of it and expects me to be loving and warm to him. I can’t bring myself to do it. I would really appreciate your advice.
Signed, Charlotte
From Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* * * * * * * *
Dear Charlotte,
When people get intoxicated, they often say offensive things that they can’t recall when they later become sober. So I would suggest that you use his memory loss to your advantage, and accuse him of some things that’ll make his hair stand on end. Here are some ideas you should consider, after he wakes up from one of his drunken binges. Use your cell phone and film him playing with Barbie Dolls and put it on Youtube, and tell him you only did it because he ordered you to, and to stop him from crying after you informed him that Toys R’ Us went out of business. Or, invite a bunch of homeless people over, and tell your hubby that while he was loaded, he told them that they could live there forever if they promised to never bathe. This idea might rattle his cage. The next time he gets falling down drunk, dress him up in one of your nightgowns, and tell him per his orders, you took some pictures of him, and texted them to all of his co-workers and his boss. However, this idea might stop him from drinking forever. When he gradually wakes up, let him see you sitting next to him crying, as you glance at a steak knife that you placed in his lap. Tell him you were terrified the previous night that he was going to beat you up if you didn’t give him a vasectomy. And then say the next time, you aren’t sure you’ll be emotionally strong enough to deny his request. I hope this helps.
Blake