Dear Blake,
I am a 25 year old male and I finally have my own place. My problem is, I’m afraid of the dark, and I always sleep with the light on. Is this an issue I should be concerned about?
Signed Lonnie,
From Albany, New York
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Dear Lonnie,
Being afraid of the dark can stem from emotional issues when you were a child. But statistically speaking, it’s probably because you’re a sniveling wimp. It is obvious to me, that you should have not moved away from mommy and daddy in the first place. Or maybe you could sleep better at night if you had a glass of wine with your Similac. I would also recommend that you go see a dermatologist and request some cream or lotion you can use, that will remove that yellow streak down your back. Do you really believe that the Boogie Man is out to get you? If you do, then here is some comforting info. Most monsters will eat you alive feet first, so while you’re enduring the excruciating pain, you will have time to make calls, send text messages, and cancel appointments. And if you’re struggling with obesity, you should have some temporary joy at your dramatic weight loss, as you’re simultaneously being savagely dismembered and devoured. Sleep well. I hope this helps.
Blake