BREAKING NEWS – Hartford, Connecticut – Gov. Dannel P. Malloy signed into law a measure insisting that Bridgeport resident Gustave Whitehead flew in 1901, “two years, four months, and three days before the Wright Brothers.” Malloy also alleged that 5 years before Samuel Morse tested the first successful experiment with an electrical recording telegraph in 1837, another Connecticut resident William Bartlett had already invented a very basic cell phone made out of wood. The governor concluded by saying that Bartlett eventually abandoned his new invention, because of the excessive roaming charges anytime he left his farm.