BREAKING NEWS – Providence, Rhode Island – Keynote speaker President Susan Herman of the ACLU, gives a controversial speech to members of her organization at an annual dinner in Providence, Rhode Island. Herman alleges that the United States has a long history of institutionalized discrimination against cannibals, and believe that ACLU has come up with an equitable solution. They are proposing a new law that would give cannibals nationwide access to inmates on death row. The law will give condemned prisoners the option of being executed by lethal injection, or screaming in terror as they’re getting eaten alive while being served with a salad.