BREAKING NEWS – Detroit, Michigan – Bankrupt/financially strapped Detroit, is now taking drastic measures due to 2 out of 3 ambulances not being functional. A one hour documentary that is now being aired on all of the local tv stations in the city, are now showing the citizens how to deal with certain medical emergencies. This includes how to set splints for broken bones, make a tourniquet, and a safe and simple way to remove an appendix with a common kitchen steak knife.