BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – After being sworn in as the Big Apple’s 109th mayor, Bill de Blasio states that he plans to fulfill his campaign promise of banning horse-drawn carriages in city limits. He openly admits that his decision is motivated by PETA, after they produced some shocking police reports. The documents reflect that countless times when the horses and carriages travel through high crime neighborhoods and the driver leaves momentarily, when they often return, thieves have removed the wheels from the carriage and the legs from the horse, replacing them with eight bricks.