BREAKING NEWS – Dejgah, Iran – Iranian media are claiming that an 80-year-old man has broken the world record for the number of years he has let elapse since he last bathed himself. The Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA) and the Tehran Times reported that Amou Haji of southern Iran has not bathed for 60 years. His neighbors state that they can always tell when he’s nearby, because their dogs began to get dizzy, and on a few occasions, bloodhounds have actually fainted. Within his community, he’s viewed as a celebrity, and he’s been given several nicknames including, “Skunkman”, “The Fly Hotel”, and “Fertilizer Frank”.