BREAKING NEWS – Scottish Highlands, Scotland – Veteran custodian of Loch Ness monster sightings Gary Campbell, is concerned that Nessie has not been seen in well over a year, and may be gone, according to a news report. This is the first time in nearly 90 years that such a lengthy lag in sightings has occurred. Many of the citizens in that area that are politically conservative, believe that Nessie may have left after seeing some of the men in kilts because it objected to the appearance of Scotland supporting gay rights.