BREAKING NEWS – Los Alamitos, California – Two days after a nationally televised outburst about how fresh horses had deprived horse racing of a Triple Crown champion, Steve Coburn, a co-owner of California Chrome, apologized to the connections of the Belmont Stakes winner Tonalist and to the horse racing world at large. He has now been labeled the worst sore loser in Triple Crown history, after fleeing the country as soon as a warrant was issued for his arrest charging him with murder. Apparently he was so bitter over the loss, that he immediately had California Chrome “put down”, and then shipped out to Central Asia where horse meat is a major food source. He then did the same thing to jockey Victor Espinoza, where he was shipped to a grocery store in at a remote village in South America that regularly caters to cannibals.