BREAKING NEWS – San Francisco, California – Federal authorities has charged FedEx with assisting illegal pharmacies by knowingly delivering painkillers and other dangerous drugs to customers without prescriptions. The Memphis, Tennessee-based delivery company is accused of shipping powerful sleeping aid Ambien, anti-anxiety medications Valium and Xanax, and other drugs to customers who had no legitimate medical need and lacked valid prescriptions. Company spokesman Patrick Fitzgerald said in a written statement, “Even if we know what the contents are, our job is to is maintain on our on-time delivery reputation. We delivery packages everyday from Columbia, and none of our glossy- eyed disoriented customers in the U.S. that receive the items have ever filed a complaint”.