BREAKING NEWS – Fort Worth, Texas – The CEO of Radio Shack Daniel Feehan is currently attempting to save his company that has been struggling to stay afloat for more than a decade. A team of consultants that he recently hired were unanimous in their conclusions in what it takes for them to stay in business. Their advice was for Radio Shack to stop selling “outdated junk that nobody wants”, and to persuade the Pentagon to launch airstrikes against all of their competitors.