BREAKING NEWS – Minneapolis, Minnesota – Dairy Queen is the latest restaurant chain to remove soft drinks from its kids’ menus, so now it’s milk or water for kids. Dairy Queen’s Franchise Advisory Council approved the decision at its quarterly meeting at the end of April, after determining that giving children a “sugar boost” with sodas, is making disrespectful little brats that are already a distraction to decent customers, into “supercharged hooligans”. The final determination was made after the council looked at a video on a split screen of children’s behavior in a DQ after downing a soda, and the behavior of arrested adults at a police station that were on crystal-meth.