BREAKING NEWS – Atlanta, Georgia – Delta Airlines will soon be implementing a new policy that will speed up boarding, which often that creates delays even before the plane leaves the gate. During the summer travel season, flight attendants will encourage passengers to “keep it moving” through the use of an electric cattle prod that will deliver about 5 million volts to stragglers. The device is prohibited to be used on people with pacemakers, and in their case flight attendants have the option of using a branding iron heated to 1200 degrees.