BREAKING NEWS – Dayton, Ohio – A semi tractor-trailer overturned into an embankment outside Dayton, Ohio, sending hundreds of piglets fleeing into the nearby woods. The driver of the truck was able to determine the exact amount of pigs that were in the trailer by contacting a nearby grocery store where many of them were loitering, and reviewing the daily attendance sheet. He then was able to conclude which of them went to the market, and which of them stayed home.