BREAKING NEWS – Baltimore, Maryland – Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake fired the troubled city’s police commissioner Anthony Batts Wednesday, saying that a recent spike in homicides weeks after an unarmed black man died of injuries in police custody required a change in leadership. She explained at a press conference that, “Between Police Commissioner Batts and my incompetence regarding the handling of the recent riots, this city has been severely damaged. His removal will correct 50% of the problem, and the other 50% will probably be resolved when I am up for re-election”.