BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder reverses his previous position and decides to refer Guantanamo Bay detainee Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s case to the Defense Department. Holder stated that a military court is better equipped to handle the case because they don’t have to disclose any sensitive information regarding national security, and during the court proceedings they’re not restricted to what kind of canned spray they can use to kill the lice in his beard.