BREAKING NEWS – Salem, Massachusetts – Doug Mesner, who goes by the professional name Lucien Greaves, is co-founder and spokesman for the Satanic Temple. He and a group of political activists are seeking to establish “After School Satan Clubs” for grammar school students, as a counterpart to fundamentalist “Christian Good News Clubs”. “We want the children to make an informed decision”, Mesner explained. “They need to know that heaven is going to be a very boring place that won’t have any of the cool kids. I also relay to them that other than the perpetual flames, there is no downside to spending eternity in hell.”
