BREAKING NEWS – Newark, New Jersey – In what was described by witnesses as an “intense meltdown”, new Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez said President Trump “didn’t win the election”. His disoriented rant continued as he shouted to the New Jersey Working Families Alliance, Hillary Clinton should be president, explaining that she is “20 times more intelligent than Donald Trump because she was born and raised in an advanced civilization in a neighboring galaxy”. As several medics attempted to pry him from the microphone, Perez began yelling for his “mummy”, not his mother, but a former Egyptian king that died more than 3000 years that he says he regularly communicates with through Morse Code.
