BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Three large St. Patrick’s Day parades in Chicago will not step off this weekend as planned amid concerns about the spread of coronavirus. The mayor’s office said the parades — Chicago’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade, the South Side Irish Parade and Northwest Irish Parade — will be rescheduled. The dyeing of the Chicago River will also be postponed. The local liquor industry will take a major hit, and so far the only people that have vigorously objected to the cancellations are Irish town drunks and leprechauns.
