BREAKING NEWS – Seattle, Washington – An unnamed child has been located and questioned by the police after he threatened Santa Claus in a mall early last December.
The young boy admitted that he became angry when Santa Claus refused to promise to give him everything on his Christmas list. He then informed St. Nick that both of his parents are members of Antifa, and he would tell them to burn down Santa’s Village at the North Pole, only after they looted the stores, and “beat the crap out of every elf that tried to stop them”.