BREAKING NEWS – San Diego, California – After being stranded for three days, the Carnival Splendor arrives at the Port of San Diego with 4500 passengers. The captain of the cruise ship (James Wise) apologized for the inconvenience, but stated that the passengers were partly responsible for them being adrift for so long. Sounding irritated and disappointed, he said that they could have made it to shore sooner, if some of the sober passengers would have assisted by jumping into the ocean, and dogpaddled on the side of the ship while pushing it toward the U.S. coast.
Evidently the good captain and his press agent wouldn’t have been able to assist.
Yeah, they would have coached them from the deck.