Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

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Aries  ~  March 21 – April 19Symbol: RamElement: FireSign Ruler: MarsLucky Color: RedLucky Number: 5 

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Pisces  ~  February 19 – March 20Symbol: FishElement: WaterSign Ruler: NeptuneLucky Color: WhiteLucky Number: 11

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Aquarius  ~  January 20 – February 18Symbol: Water CarrierElement: AirSign Ruler: UranusLucky Color: BronzeLucky Number: 22 

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Capricorn  ~  December 22 – January 19Symbol: GoatElement: EarthSign Ruler: SaturnLucky Colors: Brown, Black, Dark GreenLucky Number: 4

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Sagittarius  ~  November 23 – December 21Symbol: ArcherElement: FireSign Ruler: JupiterLucky Color: Light BlueLucky Number: 6

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Scorpio  ~  October 24 – November 22Symbol: ScorpionElement: WaterSign Ruler: Pluto, MarsLucky Colors: Purple, BlackLucky Number: 4

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Libra  ~  September 23 – October 23Symbol: ScalesElement: AirSign Ruler: VenusLucky Color: BrownLucky Number: 3

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Virgo  ~  August 23 – September 22Symbol: Virgin maidenElement: EarthSign Ruler: MercuryLucky Color: GrayLucky Number: 7

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Leo  ~  July 23 – August 22Symbol: LionElement: FireSign Ruler: SunLucky Colors: Red, Gold, YellowLucky Number: 19

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Cancer  ~  June 22 – July 22Symbol: CrabElement: WaterSign Ruler: MoonLucky Color: GreenLucky Number: 2 

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Taurus  ~  April 20 – May 20Symbol: BullElement: EarthSign Ruler: VenusLucky Color: PinkLucky Number: 6

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Aries  ~  March 21 – April 19Symbol: RamElement: FireSign Ruler: MarsLucky Color: RedLucky Number: 5 

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Pisces  ~  February 19 – March 20Symbol: FishElement: WaterSign Ruler: NeptuneLucky Color: WhiteLucky Number: 11

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Aquarius  ~  January 20 – February 18Symbol: Water CarrierElement: AirSign Ruler: UranusLucky Color: BronzeLucky Number: 22 

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Capricorn  ~  December 22 – January 19Symbol: GoatElement: EarthSign Ruler: SaturnLucky Colors: Brown, Black, Dark GreenLucky Number: 4

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Sagittarius  ~  November 23 – December 21 Symbol: Archer Element: Fire Sign Ruler: Jupiter Lucky Color: Light Blue Lucky Number:…

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Scorpio  ~  October 24 – November 22 Symbol: Scorpion Element: Water Sign Ruler: Pluto, Mars Lucky Colors: Purple, Black Lucky…

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Libra  ~  September 23 – October 23 Symbol: Scales Element: Air Sign Ruler: Venus Lucky Color: Brown Lucky Number: 3

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Virgo  ~  August 23 – September 22 Symbol: Virgin maiden Element: Earth Sign Ruler: Mercury Lucky Color: Gray Lucky Number:…

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Leo  ~  July 23 – August 22 Symbol: Lion Element: Fire Sign Ruler: Sun Lucky Colors: Red, Gold, Yellow Lucky…

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