BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – For the seventh year in a row, Jimmy Carter wins the award for the ”Rickitiest Living President”, even though he did not attend the event. A spokesman for the former president explained that Carter is in such poor shape, that if he tripped and fell while approaching the podium, he would literally fall apart. And he would be in so many pieces, that he couldn’t be put back together, even with the best efforts of all of the king’s horses and all of the king’s men.
