Dear Blake,
I’m 7 years old and I’m going on my first Easter egg hunt. Once I find one, what will be inside it?
Signed, Lucy
From Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Lucy,
I hope your first Easter egg hunt is enjoyable and memorable. Seeing that it is happening in Chicago, the contents can depend on what neighborhood you live in. Which means it can range from candy or a small toy, to cocaine or crystal-meth. You can tell by observing the kids your age there that are running around and finds eggs before you do. If they are chewing something while wearing a smile, it’s candy. If they are having intense conversations with a person that’s not even there, it was dope. But don’t stress over it. Because this is a common occurrence in the Windy City, there is now a city ordinance which mandates that anyone who sponsors Easter egg hunts for small children, must offer them within 30 days, access to a free 12 step program to get you clean again. However, you can still be prosecuted for shoplifting, with the purpose of selling the products in order to get money to buy some more of the contents that you enjoyed so much from the plastic eggs, and almost willing to kill to acquire. I hope this helps.
Blake