Dear Blake,
I am a prison warden and for obvious reasons, I don’t want to reveal my name or where I’m from. Anyway, I am sick and tired of dealing with the amount of violent criminals that we regularly receive. These people are such a waste, and we’re being overrun with them. Do you have any suggestions regarding resolving this issue?
Signed, J
From the west coast
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Dear J,
I acknowledge that you have a difficult job, but in my opinion, there are some simple solutions. First of all, people sentenced to death should not be allowed to clog the courts with paperwork for 10 or 20 years. As soon as the judge sentences a person to die, the convicted criminal walks into an area next to the courtroom that has a 24 hour firing squad (that can be used for trials that last longer than the normal business day). If the person about to meet their maker wants to appeal the judge’s decision, that responsibility will be left to his/her next of kin. And for the homicidal maniacs that are already in prison, I would send all of them to a deserted island where there is no food, along with the weapon of their choice, and let them kill each other. A month later, I would have the police come and arrest the survivor(s), charging them with murder and probably cannibalism. And BTW, it would not just be violent criminals I would treat this way. I would also include auto mechanics that regularly pad their bill by doing work that was unnecessary or unauthorized. I hope this helps.
Blake